Among all the other changes that have happened this year, 2020 also became the year of working remotely. Now, I’ve worked at home for almost five years, and I have to say that I still don’t do it as effectively as the approximately 82,000 articles on the internet filled with work-at-home suggestions and hacks seem to think that I should.
Let’s be real: working at home, while having a lot of benefits, also comes with a lot of temptations to simply…not work. Netflix, snacks, pets that need your love and attention like right now, thank you very much–how can anyone be expected to get something done under these conditions?
So in light of that, I thought it would be fun to write up a, shall we say, more accurate version of what a work from home schedule looks like, based on my own experiences.
9:00 AM (okay let’s be honest here I set my alarm for 10) — Alarm goes off. Hit snooze without even fully waking up.
10:15 AM — Second alarm goes off
10:30 AM — Third, “You better get your ass out of bed or so help me” alarm goes off
10:35 AM — Get up.
10:36 AM — Space out while sitting on the toilet
10:45 AM — Think about eating breakfast but then scroll social media for an hour instead.
11:45 AM — Finally eat breakfast (It can still be called breakfast at this point, right?)
12 PM — Think about whether or not I really have to start work yet
12:05 PM — Yeah I guess I do.
2 PM — Take a break. Walk the dog. Try to mediate, but end up just thinking about work or politics or some pain in my back that I think might be cancer instead.
3-4 PM — Work while trying to dull the pain of it by listening to podcasts. Wonder if I should start a podcast, then remember that I hate the sound of my own voice.
4 PM — Eat lunch while working and wonder if I should go back and work a job that requires leaving the house and putting on pants.
4:05 PM — Reject that idea.
4:30 PM — Try to ignore my dog’s pleading stares. Realize he needs to go outside. Regret that this means putting on pants.
4:45-7 PM — Work like the good little worker bee that I am and definitely never get distracted for long stretches of time by Twitter, Instagram, or the sound of my own existential dread.
7-8:30 PM — Make dinner, watch some TV, and tell myself that I will get some more work done later.
8:30 PM — Do not do that.
10:30 PM — Think to myself, “I’m going to get up early tomorrow and be extra productive!”
10:31 PM — My brain: “Or maybe now you could have more energy than you’ve had all day and be awake for the next four hours.”
10:32 PM — Well, I guess I better start a craft project then.
2:00 AM — Finally get tired enough to pass out and get just enough sleep to do it all again tomorrow.
So tell me, am I the only remote worker with a messed up sleep schedule and questionable work habits, or do the rest of you have your crap together?
I’d love to hear about your remote work experiences. Do you love it? Hate it? Leave a comment below!