A version of this post originally appeared on Medium
I don’t want to write today.
Every writer thinks this at some point. Some more often than others. For me, once I start feeling like I don’t want to write on any given day, I start to do that thing where I try to convince myself that maybe I don’t really want to write at all, ever, because writing is just so hard and boring and what’s the point, anyway?
Recently, I have been trying to stick to a blog posting schedule so that I can have some measure of accountability and so I will have a reason to force myself to write. It’s been going pretty well so far… until the last few days.
I just haven’t felt like I have it in me to keep writing and creating.
There are various reasons that crop up to make me not want to write:
I can’t think of anything interesting to write about (which really means that nothing on my list of ideas sounds interesting enough to me right now).
I’m tired and watching TV or aimlessly scrolling through Twitter sounds a lot easier than making my brain work.
Everything I do manage to write down sounds terrible and boring.
But basically, it all boils down to this: I’ve reached the part where I want to give up.
This is a place I am familiar with. When I set a new goal for myself (Say, write every day, or post on my blog twice a week), I start out excited. I work hard and go strong for the first couple of weeks. And then I hit a wall. I don’t want to do it anymore. I never really wanted to do it in the first place. This was all a dumb idea from the beginning.
More often than not, this is the part where I give up.
I wish I wasn’t like this. I’m trying to not be like this. But I am still like this.
I’m not sure where this tendency comes from. Maybe it’s related to my anxiety and depression. Maybe I get bored too easily. Maybe I’m just incredibly lazy.
But whatever the cause, the outcome is often the same: a trail of half-finished projects that I promise to “get around to eventually.”
I don’t want that to be the case this time.
You hear that, brain?? You won’t trick me today!
So here’s to sticking with it anyways. Writing even though it’s hard. Doing The Thing even when it feels impossible.
Maybe I don’t want to write today. But I’m doing it anyway.